Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Remembering a MAN

I remember you.

As a kid I remember how you love bringing presents. How i love saturdays, it's you payday and you like bringing breads back home.

I remember you, when you drop us off to school before you go for work, and some days when you have extra cash, you'd like buying snacks for me and Kuya.

I remember how mom would cook for your favorite viand- anything with soup and vegetables on it and asked us to deliver it to you whenever your work location is near home. And then i'd stay awhile while you rest or some days i'd eat with you.

And then I grew up.
The simple kid turned and developed into a teenage rebel. Though i didn't mean to turn out that way, but my young mind and teenage hormones seemed helpless and unable to control my emotion and how i'd notice that everything around me seemed wrong, I was a handful i know...

I remember that I was hostile, emotional, unpleasant. All because i was unhappy that we were poor, and i felt i was stripped off opportunities i could have had if only we can afford my school needs. Even then i guess i was ambitious, not materially, but of the mind.

And thank God that phase ended.
I left home, to pursue my dream, to finish college and was beaming with hope that my education would be the answer of that quagmire we're in. I was willing to do whatever it takes, and the lack of money didn't stop me.

I remember your support, in every little way. It wasn't enough, but my young adult mind is ablle to understand it already.
Little did I know that my going away would be the start of something special for both of us.

I began to see you differently.
I notice your gentle soul, your kind words, your meek spirit.
And i notice my neighbor and cousin's fathers. How different you are.
I know they don't think highly of you then, because they felt you were weak, because you don't brag, because you just listened, and you don't get drunk and loud like they are. I began to appreciate you. I was like that little child again hoping for every saturdays and presents.

We became close, closer that i'd ever think we could be.
My summer and semestral breaks became a sweet rendezvouz . Funny how when, the absence fill in so much of the presence. How we both felt so delighted of every coming together. How i loved kissing your cheeks and how your stubbles became so familiar on mine. How i liked to be in your arms, and how i love your voice and your smile and the way you love me. We were still poor but i don't seemed to mind, not much i mean.

But most of all, i remember your arms. I always remember your arms, in fact, i always associate this with you. You and your warm embrace, and how i saw that all of us-your kids went and glided in that strong arms of yours. I think i wouldn't mind being enveloped again in there. I felt safe, warm, protected, loved.

Years passed, one of my dreams- which was your dream as well, came true. I finished schooling and i know you were proud. I was proud too- for you. The hard work- both yours, mine and mama paid off. Little by little i was able to help you, the family.

And then i needed to go away again, somewhere far, somewhere unfamiliar, some place where the grass are greener and horizons are far from what i was currently seeing. I was a wanderlust, still am. But it was all for us, for you.

And i left your arms, kissed you goodbye and saw your smile, saw your beaming eyes, saw and felt how much you love me.

I didn't know that was the last time i'll see you.

I left...and then you left too.

It was heartbeaking.
I didn't know if i'd get over it.
But i did.
Because deep inside, i know you want me to.

I've gotten over losing you.
But i will always, always remember you.
My dear father, my papa...THANK YOU.
For the wonderful memories embedded in my heart- good and bad, it made us what we are now.
Are you proud? Are you happy? In my heart I know you are...

There was only one regret - that you didn't live long enough, to taste and harvest the fruit of your hard work.
We're still poor, but looking back i realized, it was never my goal to become rich in material things.
I am rich now- in my worldview, in character, in things that really matters. And i want to be richer, just so you know.

I love you. Did i ever tell you that? But you must have felt it, whenever you held me in your warm embrace...

This i know...
" i carry your heart, i carry it here in my heart "

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've always admired poets, though I'm not one, I've always able to digest the emotions confined within the wall of words that they write.

There was one time i was video surfing youtube and saw you and that impeccable smile mesmerized the heck out of me.

Seeing this this blog of yours have opened my eyes to how much more beautiful you are from the inside. I admire you much. Keep it going.

I am not a creep nor a weirdo or a stalker. Never have been one and never will ever be.... Just a guy who appreciates girls like you who are gifted with words. Keep it up Aires.

BTW, I live thousands of miles away from you across the Pacific so don't be creeped out. lol

angelaires said...

Hey there!
Thanks much for dropping by and reading this space of mine.
I appreciate it much. Leave your name, don't worry, i don't easily get scared. lol :)
I think maybe you saw one of the many videos my friend Marc Ed posted on youtube.