Poetry Session II

UNTITLED

angelaires

Amidst the oblivion

a vague shadow of a memory

I stumblbled upon

a cold hearted soul...

In his eyes there was pain

But his words hide it all

In his smile there was sorrow

Yet his speech decieves everyone

Queer...for it amazed me more.

And he grieves without tears

And laughs without the laughter

And savor all that life could offer
Yet he reveals not one of his inner turmoil
How can someone who have so much to give,
So many to achieve yet refused to believe?

He stares at me without looking at the real me
He knows my fear and all that I will dare.
He got me confused yet makes me amused
Oh how could I love him, how could I not forget him?

And he slowly smiled, the nonchanalnt smile
And it feels like im standing alone in the crowd...
caught in the wonder of my emotion
Oh Ilove you so, yes I love you so...

You told me to run, away from you...
But the nearer I wanted to be.
You warned me not to fall
The harder I land
alone, without you.

You told me enough
but my heart beg me still to love
Love the the you that I come to know
Though you will never settle,
For you are a free spirit
Roaming the world
Lost, a wanderlust yet to go home...

My sweet, you held my heart.
You got me tangled in the webb of your world
I'm in now don't push me out.
If i falter, if I fall, If i get hurt,
Then I will feel the pain and the fall.

And later i will heal the wound
And mend my heart
But never shove me away
No never blocked my way to you
Leet me be in the dark where you are.

In the alley of pain you suffer,
In the the world of demons inside your head,
I will stay, I will never go.
because there is nowhere that I'd rather be
But with you...Just with you

Dear Traveller

Dear traveller,

I promise to have some pride. Forgive thine amazement. I've been here before and i know where I'm going. I guess the first time was the one that hurts the most. You are obviously not my URANOS. But you did share something similar...My taste for something unconventional.

Thank you. For the inspiration, the smile and the hype whenever I received your reply. The chance meeting and the short conversation.The answering of you phone even when I'm just mumbling nothing. Thank you. We don't know each other and prolly won't have the chance to do so...But thank you, it made me forget a memory I've been dreading to bury for a very long time now. Though ours doesn't have any possibility, the thought is bittersweet...Yes, letting go is bittersweet.

Finally URANOS can rest, in the grave he created for himself...  and what about PENELOPE? She can rest her wandering mind too, and start anew. She will soon fulfill the promise she made to herself one day...some day.

The night is cold but the warmth inside me will glow- invigorating, emaculate, enigmatic like the moon as it hangs herself over the restless sky. The stars may not show tonight, but I will always be comforted that tomorrow or the day after, it will circle itself, reveal itself too, happilly around others and in it's moon.

Some days you give in- to your desires, to any feeling that will make you feel alive, that will break the monotony of your life. You are one of that day to me. I don't wanna be carried away, i know too much of the reality- and I know it will strike soon-sooner than i may expect. So before I land hard on the ground, i'll rest my foot willingly, freely...because I can't take another fall knowing no one's gonna catch me there. Don't worry, I stay true to what I said before-to URANOS, and I'll say it again-to you: that I WILL NEVER CRY LIKE PENELOPE DID.



Ciao!

Yours truly,

angelaires

DANCING in the RAIN:)



Dancing in the rain, jumping of pure joy:)

Lately, I've been thinking of bathing and dancing  in the rain as part of my bucket list. This is really not hard to do since we experience rainy season in the philippines most of the time. But with all the work, graveyard schedule and the small, even unimportant issues of my life- this is closed to impossible for me.

But one fine day, out of the blue it rained so hard and fast. I was staring out of the window and suddenly got this urged to run, bask in the rain, be like a child again. The problem is I just need someone to do it with me. I don't know, I think moments are enjoyed best when you have someone to share it with:) Just my opinion though. Good thing my good, long time friend Joyax was home that time...and so we played, run, wrestled and had fun in the pouring RAIN. It was pure sweet madness:) how happy I was to gave in to it...and how thankful i am that Joy, though very unwilling, gave in to my pestering request. Yey!

To quote how she came to agree to do this silly fun stuff with me:

Me: come on girl, when was the last time you bath in the rain?!

Joy: I don't know, college? Only because you're caught offguard by the rain and you don't have an umbrella?

Me: Exactly! The last time I rememeber was in high school, and this won't happen again, not in the next decade! come on let's go!

Joy: come on ai, seize the moment!, it's your moment!

Me; and you're just gonna watch me do my moment?! come on join me in my moment!

Joy: (bargaining part) you're gonna feed me after if I'll join you?

Me: I'll cook dinner tonight, don't worry we'll have food!

Joy: No, i want it right after coz i'll be hungry by then and i'm gonna sleep too (she has work that night)

Me: Well, i have noodles, and we'll buy egg, that woud suffice till dinner tonight (we have friends coming over that night)!

Anyhow, i just dragged her out of the door and into the rain. physically she's a lot stronger than i am, but verbally I won that round! She didn't have a choice, or maybe i was just too persistent I won't stop until she gave in:))))



The playing and dancing in the rain wish is granted







wet and not so wild:)





Im one Happy child:)




 

After basking ourselves in the rain, we decided to roam around the area-while it was still raining to buy food. We had this random and funny topics discussed. Let me share it from my memory:

1. Rundown of the mushy moments we had individually- all pertaining to/and relating to the rain and water. Aka, ngbibidahan ng mga experiences with boys, and of the would have been movie scenes. I only had few though...haha

Joy:  Beat this, some guy putting their arms around you, along the shoreline, while its raining softly, slowly (aww, like a movie scene right?)

Me:  walked when it was drizzling, with this one guy from college, and that was what i call a break up scene (haha,how do you break up when you never got into into a relationship? like duh!) when he confessed of falling in love with me- and with y roomate too! he's one weird guy i think:)

Joy: Playing in the rain or something, and in a slowmo type of way, you'll be hugged if the guy will catch you!

Me: oh I had that moment too, only that it didn't happen while it was raining! haha

ahhh, memory gap alert! I'm sure there were too many experiences shared but I can't remember them no more! forgive thine memory:)

2. We both agree that it would have been nicer if we did the rain tripping thing somewhere more provincial. Reason being is because there were just too many instances that a car would run fast and left us bathing in the rain and  drainage water too straight in our face and rain-showered body already!

3. This scene would have been nicer too with a special someone in the future-someday!

4. Her pressing me about what I felt with this traveler- why im stopping myself for whatever it is that i'm feeling- which i don't wanna elaborate:)

5. Her issues and concerns about our growing up/old and the pressure that comes along with it. In short I was just nagging her about seizing the moment. Carpi diem!

6. My travel plans:)

The end:) Till the next random moment:)

I WILL do anything for LOVE

WARNING! ---This is not a love story. But read on, you might LOVE me or hate me:)







I will write you poems...as often as I can, As frequent as how elated I am.

I will sing you a love song...always. Regardless of how out of tune I am...

I will give you praises...but only if it comes from my heart. There will be no lip service my dear.

I will encourage you, support you, exalt you, be here for you.

I will give you TIME ...time for your self, time to go on your own, time to ponder and reflect. Even when that time will be spent apart from me, you can have it so long as it will enrich you.

I will feed your mind, with my silly, raw and random thoughts, with my unorthodox ways and even with the trivial things in life.

I will fill your days and nights, with stories of our lives and the world we live in.

I will nourish your body and soul...aka, i will cook for you...fill your stomach with my many talents in burning food and whiping out of this world dishes:)

I will brave the sea, climb the mountains, travel the miles and spent my last penny...to be with you. Just don't let me jump off a cliff, try "THE PLUNGE", go skydiving or jump off from a helicopter. I have this fear of heights for goodness sake!

I will give you massage even if i don't know how to, do errands for you and even watch you sleep. You can take comfort in my arms, here i will shelter you even with the demons running in your mind.

I will watch the sunset with you, feel the beauty of its colors and catch it in my hands as I paint the beauty of our love...we will grow old gracefully, the way it fades through our eyes as it joined forces with the night.

I will look forward to every sunrise, it will be a reminder of the new day and the journey will walk together day by day.

I will LOVE you. Unconditionally I hope. With all the love that I can muster. I will shower you with kisses, hug you when you need it best. Lie still, be still with you...suspended. there will be no spaces and distance with us. Only each other to fill those gaps.


BUT in return... YOU shall do all these for me!!!


1. You shall finish my food, because i have this bad habit for leftovers!. There's always something left on my plate and you have to devour it or else....haha
2. You shall hold my hands. I'm looking forward to the holding hands...but don't do it in public...until I'm ready and I wouldn't feel that "yucky love stuff" lovers do!
3. You shall kiss me, only when we both feel like it.
4. You shall not shower me with I love you's- whether in text or when you call. I'd rather hear an "I love you" one time in one hundred years, when you say it with the utmost sincerity, than hear it a thousand times because you are oblige and dictated by what and how it should be.
5. You shall respect my individuality and privacy. When days that i don't wanna talk, just hold me. When i shrug you off just stay, when i don't let you speak just listen to my ranting and whining. When i become stubborn just let me be. But be there for me. Because when all else fail I shall be there for you as well. In short moody ako ok?!
6. You shall love my family. Because no matter how imperfect they are, they will always be the one constant thing in my life.
7. You shall not bring me flowers or give me chocolates. Just show me love. If flowers and chocolates are your ways of expressing love, then by all means it will be accepted! Ang gulo ko noh?!
8. You shall not call me HONEY. But I can call you BABE or whatever I want to call you...
9. My list is too long so I will end it here... We'll find out the rest together, coz i honestly don't know yet:)

the waiting...

wondering if you'd ever coming around...

The Dilemma

Have you ever been in a situation where you need to choose one over another but you badly want both?

Hell no, I'm not talking about my lovelife here! (as if i have one:}). I've been battling about my options given the chances and choices there is in front of me. But what am I talking about???

Well, I've been reading a lot and there's just too many people, stories and experiences that got me inspired. But they have a common theme to always follow what you want, fuel your life with passion, go for the one that makes you truly happy, don't let the moment pass you by etc... It really got me thinking and reflecting about my own life too. What do i want, where am i going? Im so not getting any younger but I don't wanna be pressured about the age thing...Who's in a hurry? But they have a point, time is ticking, the things I can do now, i might not be able to do them in the years to come.
Okay, enough of the suspense, spill the beans.

I remember the posts about my ultimate dream-the one i gave up but I don't wanna let too many moments passed me by. I don't wanna leave in regret when I look back one day. I'm gonna chase after what I want too:)

So what do I want? There's two things I know I'll forever regret if I won't do it this year: STUDY AND TRAVEL. The latter seemed more fun to do but remember I am suddenly in a timeline that before I reached the big 3-0,  I gotta be able to get the master's degree too, else i'll be so fucked up:) and I don't ever wanna feel that way again. So why and what's causing the dilemma?
For one, if I pursue my studies I won't be able to travel. Why because between the two I'm also doing this 8 hour work. I gotta have work to finance my journey right?

I figured my 2 days rest day will be spent schooling, researching, brow burning. Definitely no time for travel. Then again if I choose to travel, I know in my heart I'll live with regret because I've always wanted to study again. It's part of the reason why I moved here in Cebu. I've been delaying the dream and the plan for so many years now. So what have I decided?

After a month of this pressing, stressful thinking, I've decided to do both. I wanna know the two sides of the road. How would I do it? I figured timing and careful planning may help.

So what's the plan? The plan is to travel first. Yes. Traveling comes first:) My brother will graduate by May, so less expenses on the family and more on me! Schooling starts by June, but I can't wait to be on the road, explore beaches and thousand sunsets and sunrises. I can't wait. So the first half of the year will be spent traveling and the second half for studying. I think it sounds pretty fair. What you think?
 really, really hope this time it'll happen accordingly. God let it happen this year!

I know this may not really be a major dilemma to some but for me it is. My hobbies and perspective changed a bit. I fell in love with traveling too, but it's not the only thing I wanted to do. It's never really too late or too old to follow the dream, find whatever it is that keeps  you awake at night, fuel it, hold on to it. It's better to have a goal than lie idle and wake up one day with your whole life passing right in front your  eyes.

I'm excited how this journey will end, i'm looking forward for the adventure and how different it will be once I go back to school. I'm not even sure if my perspective will change after since i'll pursue travel first. One step at a time. One baby step, one small leap if faith:)

Explore

The mountains...

The ocean...

the beaches...Coz life can't wait:)

TOP 3 Must read BOOKS!

I've been lagging with my blog for the past couple of months so before January ends, I figure this is the best way to fulfill another hope and promise to blog often! I know 2011 was not as promising as i hoped it would have been. But hey, i'd like to start over and what better way to do than post here the top 3 books i wanna read this year. Let's start counting!

Top 3: Aleph by Paulo Coelho

An autobiographical account of what Paulo calls at few places in the book as ‘Journey back to my Kingdom’, he writes about his experiences through his journey of personal discovery. This is one of the most personal novels written by Paulo.

‘Aleph,’ as described in the book is a place where time and space converge.
In this book, Paulo writes about the journey he undertook between March and July 2006.
The novel starts with Paulo talking to his Master about the dissatisfaction in Paulo’s life and the stagnation of his spiritual growth. As per the suggestion from his Master, Paulo sets off onto a journey starting from Africa, and then to Europe and Asia via the Trans-Siberian Railway. Most of the novel or rather the book describes about the author’s experiences during the train journey he took with his publishers and a girl whom he meets in the journey.

Top 2: Hunger Games TRILOGY by Suzanne Collins



This is an amazing trilogy and from what i hear the movie is scheduled to be released on March 23, 2012.directed by Gary Ross and based on the novel of the same name by Suzanne Collins. It stars Jennifer Lawrence as the main character Katnis, Josh Hutcherson as Peeta and , Liam Hemsworth as Gail who play's Katnis bestfriend and who is secretly in love with her. I'm uberly excited to watch it but i wanted to read the book first. I've read some excepts of it last year and i've been wanting to buy one but unfortunately, it's sold out here in Cebu. Perhaps a trip to Manila this year will really be in search for this one. Here's what to look forward to:

The Hunger Games is a young adult novel written by Suzanne Collins. It was originally published on September 14, 2008, by Scholastic. The novel is the first book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It is written in first person and introduces sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives in a post-apocalyptic world in the country of Panem where the countries of North America once existed. The Capitol, a highly advanced metropolis, holds absolute power over the rest of the nation. The Hunger Games are an annual event in which one boy and one girl aged 12 to 18 from each of the 12 districts surrounding the Capitol are selected by lottery to compete in a televised battle in which only one person can survive.


2nd sequel:


Catching fire continues the story of Katniss Everdeen and the fictional, futuristic nation of Panem. Following the events of the previous novel, a rebellion against the oppressive Capitol has begun, and Katniss and fellow tribute Peeta are forced to return to the arena in a special edition of the Hunger Games.

3rd installment:



... and continues the story of Katniss Everdeen, who agrees to lead the rebellion against the rulers of the futuristic society of Panem. The series was inspired by the Greek myth of Theseus and the Minotaur and the Roman Gladiator games. Reviewers have noted that it tackles issues such as loyalty, war, and poverty.
.

You'll be my must watch movie this year too!!! Truly excited:)

Disclaimer: haha, the good news is i already bought this trilogy!!!! Yey, 2 books more!:)

Top 3: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

I know my top 2 books to read composed of 3 books already, well only because it's an installment so technically this post has 5 books in total! haha. This last book I've always been interested to read. whenever I visit National Bookstore, Fullybooked and Powerbooks, I always notice this display. I've got to read few excerpts online but never really read the entire novel. So hopefully this year I'll accomplish this

Love in the Time of Cholera (Spanish: El amor en los tiempos del cólera) is a novel by Nobel Prize winning Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez first published in the Spanish language during 1985. Alfred A. Knopf published the English translation during 1988. An English-language movie adaptation was released during 2007
The main character of the novel is Florentino Ariza and the main female character is Fermina Daza. She becomes enamoured with him during their youth but is forced to stop meeting him by her father. Eventually she weds Juvenal Urbino at the age of 21 (the "deadline" she had set for herself) because he seemed to offer her security and love. Urbino is a medical doctor devoted to science, modernity, and "order and progress." He is committed to the eradication of cholera and to the promotion of public works. He is a rational man whose life is organized precisely and who values his importance and reputation in society to the utmost. He is a herald of progress and modernization.

Food for thought

At a certain point, your life will begin to decline, you got halfway, but not all the way, you are half-happy and half-sad, neither frustrated nor fulfilled. You’re neither cold nor hot, you’re lukewarm, and as an evangelist in some holy book says: “Lukewarm things are not pleasing to the palate.”‘
***from Paulo Coelho's Blog***

When you follow your personal legend, you walk your path and learn from it. The objective doesn’t blind you to the road that takes you there.
On the other hand obsession is what prevents you from admiring the teachings of life.
It’s like trying to get to your objective without passing through the challenges.
I realized that despite the fear and the bruises of life, one has to keep on fighting for one’s dream.
As Borges said in his writings “there is no other virtue than being brave”.
And one has to understand that being brave is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.
***from Paulo Coelho's Blog***

Sometimes some fear can be good. When you are afraid things are going to get worse if you don't do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.
***Spencer Johnson, Who Moved My Cheese? ***