Welcome to my new World!

To be honest, there were too many ideas running in my head as i welcome this month. I was pretty much excited, after all, this is my birthday month, and the beginning of the "BER" season- meaning Christmas time is around the corner! But what happened? what went wrong? The month is almost over and i haven't posted anything yet?

Well, since i recently celebrated my 18th birthday, i think people will forgive my vanity, if i'll be talking about myself here! (since when did i not talk about  myself?!) haler, this is my blog, am allowed to justify my narcissistic side!:)

Kidding aside, i had a blast remembering moments, lessons and experiences in the past. There were hits and misses, because we don't have a perfect life. I think my greatest fear now will be, looking back in a few years, and have some regrets for the things i didn't do-which i could have done. Or things i hadn't said, which i could have easily uttered. For people who is hitting some crossroads, like i think what i'm doing, we become so conscious of everything. If we've done too much or too little. Now my problem is, i would want to do so many things at the same time. Like i could never choose one over another. And if you notice, this post seems to gear on my favorite subject again- RANDOM RAMBLINGS. I realized i'm doing that a lot! but what the heck, this is my blog anyway, my own universe and i can do so anything i wishes! lol

And so the love for killer shoes and to die for make up and beautiful dresses and equally wonderful accessories suddenly got shelved in the farthest corner of my closet, i don't think i'll miss you anytime soon. The love for the sand, the beach, the sea, the sunrise, the sunset becomes a refreshing, welcome treat. Like i'd do anything to have a weekend getaway. And with everything i mean- i've given up malling, movies, random unwinding and treating thineself to an expensive cup of coffee or the sugar overload doughnuts and even buying the sunny dresses i so like. Instead, i'd buy swimswear, flats and flipflops...and then i'd laze dreaming of a beachfront, and then i'd work hard, so i can travel more...and this is just one half of the story!

What's the other half? Well, i find myself browsing through the net, for any opportunities to go outside of the country. And i don't mean to work my butts off! I mean to go out and explore, travel. But how would i do that when i can't even finance the traveling just within the Philippine map? I am actually targeting of hitting two birds with one stone- meaning, i'd like some opportunity to study abroad and travel at the same time. well, this seemed to be in a far flung future! But it's part of what's keeping me awake this days!

Then came another love- well sorry to say it's not a boy! My love for cooking. I don't know, but it's one of the things i like learning these days. I can watch and enjoy cooking shows and read cooking stuffs and all.  There's a tinge of satisfaction whenever i go home and whip out dishes for my family and liking it when they crave about my cooking- or maybe they're just being polite! And i like cooking for my friends too:) You want me to cook for you? Just let me know okay?! haha

This life is such complicated.  The person you used to be, can be a stranger after some time, or some tribulation, or some random event, can change your life forever. Inspirations come and ago, feelings fade, interests changes. But one thing should stay the same- the need to always be true to yourself. Be true to what you desire, what you always want to be. Because apart from life being so complicated- it can also be so short. Let's not live with regret, but with happiness of each moment, and let it not pass us by, before our very own eyes!

Cheers to this life, my life, your life, our life!!!:)

Happy 18th! lol

beach is love!:)

Sunset:)

Beach girl!

ditching the heels!

Celebrate! Carpi Diem!:)

Poetry Session: Too Much of You

Too Much Of You

angelaires

life is

sunny,

rainy,

gloomy.

yours is

bright,

breezy,

always sunshine.

i'd rather have the rain

suffer and feel,

this impeccable pain

here, it is real.

yours is

magical,

monumental,

too much greatness

killing this empty spaces

too much,

got too much of you.

away, im running away.

yours is

whimsical,

im waking up

to what's here and now.



Afternoon Delight

Just this afternoon i got the urge to breath some fresh air and witness the sunset. I have this flair for sunrise and sunsets you know...I think i always had but the need to really see it is so strong this past few months. Well, i'm at the stage of my life that whatever my mind concieve of wanting to do, if i can, i

really wanna do it. The idle moment of wishful thinking is so foreign to me these days. I wanna make use of the time that i have, so even if i'll end up doing it alone, i really don't care.

The thing with waiting for people to join you, is that it just prolong the moment, if not alter it completely. Because people always have the excuse to not go or even if they wanted to, they seemed to not have enough time, or maybe they just can't squeeze in the time to do so. Well, no hard feelings, i've managed on my own, and to be honest. I like this alone moments:) I've been jogging alone early morning, taking afternoon stroll, foodtripping, and maybe i'm doing this soul searching thing for all I know...but i actually enjoyed it. I'm even planning for this solo beach bumming sometime next week...and i'm excited for it!

So anyway, i really wanted to awaken my creative juices too-aka i wanna write something. I have this flair for poetry too and i'm such a pathetic, frustrated poet and a writer but what the heck, i'll just write from my heart even if it means just plain, random ramblings:) so bear with me if i'll post it here!

I Loved You First

angelaires

i loved you first

when the grass grows greener,

even when the ocean parts

your lips i know i will kiss

Oh i loved you first,

before the sun goes down

or when the sunrise is up again

let not our destiny be caved in !

yes, i loved you first

In the womb you were hiding

and back to the world you're living

here i am, waiting.

right, i loved you first

find me in the throng of strangers

i'm the one standing

right alone in the crowd hiding

soon when

lights out and everything dim

you'll see it shimmering,

shining through it will glow

this page turns over

as it began a new chapter

oh yes, i loved you first!

stunned

oh this singular calmness

silence it brings

peace and quiteness

even when there's chaos in our head

who would have thought

when waiting eludes

there it is,

this malignant enjoyment

because yes, i'll love you first

come here and now

but off the forest you must go,

conguer thy mountain, thy rock!

even thine sorrow

but, forget it not

even in all these miseries

i loved you first...

so till my hands

find your hands

whose holding hers

while the other holds the world

but then if you must

let go of one and

choose mine

because i loved you first.

this distance and detours

keep us apart yet again,

one day it will

heart to heart

keep us closer

it's because,

i loved you first

till you loved me back.

what i did this afternoon at cebu memorial park...?



i loved this flower:)



accompanied by my solitude buddies- great expectation by charles dickens, my purple diary, pen, lipbalm, water, key and my trusted phone:)



swinging! i want a traditional hammock one day:)



sound tripping too!



so till the next random afternoon delight!



because this life is such a long and winding road...



Of Waitings and Detours

Life happens...Just like that. You wake up sore with envy of all the chances you missed and all the moments passing by.

Surprisingly, everyone got a life. they managed on their own, seemed and looked happy too. And you were left in the empty road of life. And the saddest part is, no one's there holding your hand. No one's there wiping your tears, no one's there making you smile, or helping you banished the fears. You're supposed to jump on a dreaded cliff...alone.

While this seemed to be a lonely scene, why don't we tackle it differently? Yes, to an average person, it seemed pathetic to be lurking in this situation. But who says we can't defy what society dictates? I like reading posts about people sensible enough to understand that while singleness can sometimes be lonely, it is a gift in itself to discover your ultimate potential, live your life fully, enrich yourself with the wonders of this world. And someday, when it happens that you'll get lucky to be with someone, you'd have many things to share about simply because you had a headstart in discovering them .

One need not feel abashed about going through life especially in our late 20s and still alone. And i just have to make a point that just because you are single doesn't mean you are ready to mingle! I hate it when people are pushing me "not to be choosy', "lower your standard", "go out there and be seen", 'Love does not happen, you make it happen"! They're missing my point. i don't have have high standards, and im not being picky too...i just happen to know what I want and what i deserve, and yes, call me stubborn...but i don't wanna compromise...unless it's for that ultimate reason-don't ask me what?! duh!

What's my point here again? My point is there is beauty in waiting and while you're at it, enjoy your life too. You don't need to be with someone just to make you feel alive or complete. You  are whole in yourself already. I know this is better said than done, believe me, i have so many encounters that i doubted this too...but deep within, somehow i know that this is just a phase i have to go through.

Secondly, the events in the past- the almost relationship, the holding on, the first heartbreak, the time passing and eventually wasting, the lonely nights and days and the impatience of things not happening your way...They are called DETOURS. One day it will all make sense.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 

                                                              1 Corithinthians 13:4–8

Leaving you with this song too, as we wait for that day patiently:)

I Promise

Jaci Velasquez

Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell
Lord, You know them well

Though I may be young
I see and understand
That at times like sheep we go astray
And things get out of hand

Chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

Until then, O Lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love
Will come someday
It will only come from You

‘Cause I have seen the suffering
That loneliness can cause
When we choose to give our love away
Without a righteous cause

chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN

Funny, this post has been sitting on my draft items for the last 3 years now and I haven't published it yet simply because I was not able to complete it. And so one day before sleeping, I chanced upon one of Mitch Albom's novel entitled FOR ONE MORE DAY which i promised to have a separate blog, that makes me revisit this post. This time, I was able to complete it. I was just missing one lesson, which is a universal topic by the way, and for whatever reason, I didn't get the chance to collect my thoughts...back then. So read on, I think this is one of most honest post i've ever published here.



Written last March 30, 2009/ 2:30am
Inspired by Mitch Alboms' FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN



I love reading good and easy books! Well, it's because I get to finish it in one sitting, one reading. Isn't it nice? But most importantly, you get to learn and realize so much in an hour, so many things in just one book. And how I wished what I learned then, at that time, can be applied all the time:) Well, not always the case but at least I'm able to write and share my thoughts and hopefully, little by little I can perfect it in my life. Here's one of the books I've read from this year. Truly amazing, great author. I'm so honored to be reading his book and these are the lessons I learned as well:)

  THE FIRST LESSON:

 "That there are no random acts. That We are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind". 

Having learned this makes me realized how the drastic and the well-thought decisions I made from the past must have affected the people around me. But those were my choices, aren't we given the freedom to do so? Should i blame myself for the things i did regardless if my intention was for the common good of  everybody? My answer is no. What it taught me though, is that since there are no random acts, i must be careful of the words that get out of my mouth; for I can never take it back. The acts i did, for i can never undo it. The thoughts I have, for it reflected what I truly feel inside. And if by chance what I did harm the people around me, hurt the friends i have, isolate and may made them feel down, it wasn't what I really wanted. It was the right choice i made at that moment. They were also given and govern by their choices, and that is up for them not to be defeated but rather take it as an experience to learn from and moved on. Life is a matter of choice, not a chance!


    " People often belittle the place where they were born. But heaven can be found in the most unlikely corners. People think of heaven as a paradise garden, a place where they can float on clouds and laze in rivers and mountains. But scenery without solace is meaningless. This is the greatest gift God can give you: To understand what happened in your life. To have it explained. It is the peace that you have been searching for."

THE SECOND LESSON:

  "We all have to make sacrifices. It is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to; May it be little or big sacrifices."

Humans though, as frail and as close minded as we are, often are angry and frustrated over our own version of sacrifice. We keep thinking about what we lost and keep wondering all the might have beens and what ifs had we not sacrifice something over someone or over something else.

What's your story of sacrifice? We do that everyday and maybe we're not aware or we may be blinded and failed to realize the beauty of having prioritized not our own wants, needs and desires.

Here's my version, the one I'm aware of.

Sometimes I am envious of those people who have no obligations over their family. Who can do things as they please and spend time and money as they wish. While I, i need to save so i can give something to mine. I need to be focused, matured, responsible because i have loads of siblings who looked up to me, who sees me as someone they can emulate. I am a daughter, and by that i should not do things that would cause pain to my parents, i should be that  person they want me to be...successful. I am a sister, i looked after the younger ones. I inspire them to have a better version of themselves, to grab a dream of their own, the one they really wanted, to help them become a better and successfull person that they ought to be. I am a friend, i should look after what's best for everybody. I shoud set aside what i want in favor of what everybody wants. I put myself last sometimes, and it always ends up ME losing the essence of my existence and make me feel like i don't exist anymore, so where is the freedom of my choice? But all these are looking through a small picture. If i step outside that box and see the bigger and the better view- it makes sense. It made everything fall into place. And yes, the sacrifices, it was all worth it. That's what matters to me.

THE THIRD LESSON:

FORGIVENESS.  Holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. no one is born with anger. we need to free ourselves from it. we need to forgive others and forgive ourselves.

There are bad things in the past that happened to us and it may be caused by someone. But sometimes, there is comfort in having someone to blame, to make someone responsible for it. We even like to think that we are better than the rest, we live a better life, make better choices. But who are we to say that? Who are we to judge? Eveybody is going through something.  In our struggles, we are not alone. Others have their own reason for doing such at the time they did.  Everything has a reason.

We must let go of all the ill feelngs,  for it hinders us to a better place and a nicer perspective we should all feel. Let's not rob off ourself that chance to be genuinely happy and free.

The hardest to do is letting go, forgetting and forgiving. We need,  more than anything else, to forgive ourselves and to stop blaming others. I carried a resentment, and it is not helping me. So i let go of it. And it felt better now.


THE FOURTH LESSON:

LOST LOVE IS STILL LOVE. It takes a different form. Life has to end but love doesn't. Love, like the rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must be nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.

It's everybody's favorite topic...And i guess I love talking about this too. In fact, i talk about this all the time. But for some reason, i'm at lost of words. I need to pause right here...TO BE CONTINUED... ( March 30, 2009/ 4:20am)


THE END...


OR SO I THOUGHT.


This is where i got stucked. Three years in the making just for me to say what i have to say now? To be honest i'm not surprised at all. I have this knack of holding on to things. But for whatever its worth, the period of waiting was all i need to be able to ponder and reflect on the things that happened, how it came to be that gives me this courage to write it here before everything eludes me again. So let me say my piece now.

It's been said, told and narrated over and over again. But let me say it again, IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO NEVER LOVE AT ALL.

So many things have changed, years have passed, seasons have cycled. The love i think will never end, suddenly becomes a memory, and even that memory is fading. It surprised me sometimes that i even tried holding on to it, as if i'll never want to put it away, to let it go, though i've been praying and wanting for that memory to stop altogether, to create a new one. I guess i can be such a walking contradiction sometimes.

Yes, i loved deeply, and i never got it. I was refused, rejected, not wanted... by the same person...over and over. For the longest time i hoped, persevered, held on, because i was big in believing that whatever i want, i'll have it so long as i work hard on it. After all, that's always been the formula that got me to where and what i am now.

But life has something else in mind for me, it has different plans- or rather it has different plans for him. He needed to fly, to explore, to discover, to wander, to savor all there is that life can offer. while i? I only wanted a free ride with him, his adventures...his thirst for life.

I never got the happy ending, did not even get close to it. But he was the greatest love, he was the first love. He was what i've been dreaming about under the cloudless sky and the moonlit nights. He was my Romeo, my Achilles. He was the first person i think of whenever i watched movies and read books. He was everywhere. He was my love. But he didn't want me, didn't give me a chance, maybe didn't even think more of me than that silly wide eyed girl so many years ago. but he was my sleepless nights, my unrequitted love.

The phase ended. After 10 years i got tired of waiting, romeo is not coming. So i let go and made a promise to myself- that i will love again someday, one day- greater than the way i loved before. i have yet to fulfill that promise. But everyday brings an unspoken hope that i'm getting close to it. i just have to believe on it for now.
HE WAS MY LOST LOVE. HE WAS MY URANOS.


THE FIFTH LESSON:

OUR EXISTENCE HAS A MEANING.
Many times we are sad because we feel like we didn't do anything with our life. We accomplished nothing. we feel like we are not supposed to be where we are.

we always want to be somewhere-there, not here. we lived thinking of what ifs and one day and someday that sometimes it felt like we lived without living at all.

I feel this, much often than i want to. Guilty as charge. People by nature is insatiable. when we are younger, we often wish something for ourselves. Pretty soon when we got what we wanted, we find
 ourselves wanting more...and more...until it neve ends. Until it took away moments of happiness just by being here- suspended by this time, this moment.

I learned that there is no insignificant, unimportant person, each of them we encounter plays a role in our lives. No matter how shortlived the moment was or how long we spent time with them, how wasted or how well spent it was. It all plays a part in our life. They come to hurts us, teach us, break us, bend us, catch us, disappoint us, love us or leave us. But look, we're still here. because our life has a meaning. find that purpose in you and hold on to it.



SO GRAB A COPY OF MITCH ALBOM'S BOOK NOW

DANCING in the RAIN:)



Dancing in the rain, jumping of pure joy:)

Lately, I've been thinking of bathing and dancing  in the rain as part of my bucket list. This is really not hard to do since we experience rainy season in the philippines most of the time. But with all the work, graveyard schedule and the small, even unimportant issues of my life- this is closed to impossible for me.

But one fine day, out of the blue it rained so hard and fast. I was staring out of the window and suddenly got this urged to run, bask in the rain, be like a child again. The problem is I just need someone to do it with me. I don't know, I think moments are enjoyed best when you have someone to share it with:) Just my opinion though. Good thing my good, long time friend Joyax was home that time...and so we played, run, wrestled and had fun in the pouring RAIN. It was pure sweet madness:) how happy I was to gave in to it...and how thankful i am that Joy, though very unwilling, gave in to my pestering request. Yey!

To quote how she came to agree to do this silly fun stuff with me:

Me: come on girl, when was the last time you bath in the rain?!

Joy: I don't know, college? Only because you're caught offguard by the rain and you don't have an umbrella?

Me: Exactly! The last time I rememeber was in high school, and this won't happen again, not in the next decade! come on let's go!

Joy: come on ai, seize the moment!, it's your moment!

Me; and you're just gonna watch me do my moment?! come on join me in my moment!

Joy: (bargaining part) you're gonna feed me after if I'll join you?

Me: I'll cook dinner tonight, don't worry we'll have food!

Joy: No, i want it right after coz i'll be hungry by then and i'm gonna sleep too (she has work that night)

Me: Well, i have noodles, and we'll buy egg, that woud suffice till dinner tonight (we have friends coming over that night)!

Anyhow, i just dragged her out of the door and into the rain. physically she's a lot stronger than i am, but verbally I won that round! She didn't have a choice, or maybe i was just too persistent I won't stop until she gave in:))))



The playing and dancing in the rain wish is granted







wet and not so wild:)





Im one Happy child:)




 

After basking ourselves in the rain, we decided to roam around the area-while it was still raining to buy food. We had this random and funny topics discussed. Let me share it from my memory:

1. Rundown of the mushy moments we had individually- all pertaining to/and relating to the rain and water. Aka, ngbibidahan ng mga experiences with boys, and of the would have been movie scenes. I only had few though...haha

Joy:  Beat this, some guy putting their arms around you, along the shoreline, while its raining softly, slowly (aww, like a movie scene right?)

Me:  walked when it was drizzling, with this one guy from college, and that was what i call a break up scene (haha,how do you break up when you never got into into a relationship? like duh!) when he confessed of falling in love with me- and with y roomate too! he's one weird guy i think:)

Joy: Playing in the rain or something, and in a slowmo type of way, you'll be hugged if the guy will catch you!

Me: oh I had that moment too, only that it didn't happen while it was raining! haha

ahhh, memory gap alert! I'm sure there were too many experiences shared but I can't remember them no more! forgive thine memory:)

2. We both agree that it would have been nicer if we did the rain tripping thing somewhere more provincial. Reason being is because there were just too many instances that a car would run fast and left us bathing in the rain and  drainage water too straight in our face and rain-showered body already!

3. This scene would have been nicer too with a special someone in the future-someday!

4. Her pressing me about what I felt with this traveler- why im stopping myself for whatever it is that i'm feeling- which i don't wanna elaborate:)

5. Her issues and concerns about our growing up/old and the pressure that comes along with it. In short I was just nagging her about seizing the moment. Carpi diem!

6. My travel plans:)

The end:) Till the next random moment:)

TOP 3 Must read BOOKS!

I've been lagging with my blog for the past couple of months so before January ends, I figure this is the best way to fulfill another hope and promise to blog often! I know 2011 was not as promising as i hoped it would have been. But hey, i'd like to start over and what better way to do than post here the top 3 books i wanna read this year. Let's start counting!

Top 3: Aleph by Paulo Coelho

An autobiographical account of what Paulo calls at few places in the book as ‘Journey back to my Kingdom’, he writes about his experiences through his journey of personal discovery. This is one of the most personal novels written by Paulo.

‘Aleph,’ as described in the book is a place where time and space converge.
In this book, Paulo writes about the journey he undertook between March and July 2006.
The novel starts with Paulo talking to his Master about the dissatisfaction in Paulo’s life and the stagnation of his spiritual growth. As per the suggestion from his Master, Paulo sets off onto a journey starting from Africa, and then to Europe and Asia via the Trans-Siberian Railway. Most of the novel or rather the book describes about the author’s experiences during the train journey he took with his publishers and a girl whom he meets in the journey.

Top 2: Hunger Games TRILOGY by Suzanne Collins



This is an amazing trilogy and from what i hear the movie is scheduled to be released on March 23, 2012.directed by Gary Ross and based on the novel of the same name by Suzanne Collins. It stars Jennifer Lawrence as the main character Katnis, Josh Hutcherson as Peeta and , Liam Hemsworth as Gail who play's Katnis bestfriend and who is secretly in love with her. I'm uberly excited to watch it but i wanted to read the book first. I've read some excepts of it last year and i've been wanting to buy one but unfortunately, it's sold out here in Cebu. Perhaps a trip to Manila this year will really be in search for this one. Here's what to look forward to:

The Hunger Games is a young adult novel written by Suzanne Collins. It was originally published on September 14, 2008, by Scholastic. The novel is the first book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It is written in first person and introduces sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives in a post-apocalyptic world in the country of Panem where the countries of North America once existed. The Capitol, a highly advanced metropolis, holds absolute power over the rest of the nation. The Hunger Games are an annual event in which one boy and one girl aged 12 to 18 from each of the 12 districts surrounding the Capitol are selected by lottery to compete in a televised battle in which only one person can survive.


2nd sequel:


Catching fire continues the story of Katniss Everdeen and the fictional, futuristic nation of Panem. Following the events of the previous novel, a rebellion against the oppressive Capitol has begun, and Katniss and fellow tribute Peeta are forced to return to the arena in a special edition of the Hunger Games.

3rd installment:



... and continues the story of Katniss Everdeen, who agrees to lead the rebellion against the rulers of the futuristic society of Panem. The series was inspired by the Greek myth of Theseus and the Minotaur and the Roman Gladiator games. Reviewers have noted that it tackles issues such as loyalty, war, and poverty.
.

You'll be my must watch movie this year too!!! Truly excited:)

Disclaimer: haha, the good news is i already bought this trilogy!!!! Yey, 2 books more!:)

Top 3: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

I know my top 2 books to read composed of 3 books already, well only because it's an installment so technically this post has 5 books in total! haha. This last book I've always been interested to read. whenever I visit National Bookstore, Fullybooked and Powerbooks, I always notice this display. I've got to read few excerpts online but never really read the entire novel. So hopefully this year I'll accomplish this

Love in the Time of Cholera (Spanish: El amor en los tiempos del cólera) is a novel by Nobel Prize winning Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez first published in the Spanish language during 1985. Alfred A. Knopf published the English translation during 1988. An English-language movie adaptation was released during 2007
The main character of the novel is Florentino Ariza and the main female character is Fermina Daza. She becomes enamoured with him during their youth but is forced to stop meeting him by her father. Eventually she weds Juvenal Urbino at the age of 21 (the "deadline" she had set for herself) because he seemed to offer her security and love. Urbino is a medical doctor devoted to science, modernity, and "order and progress." He is committed to the eradication of cholera and to the promotion of public works. He is a rational man whose life is organized precisely and who values his importance and reputation in society to the utmost. He is a herald of progress and modernization.

Little Escape

As i was browsing through the pages of  Philippine star, all because I was interested in Ms. Bianca Gonzales' first article ever published, I was so inspired of the articles I came to read as well. From fasting down to this article of  memento of Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy; what a treat! I wanted to buy that book and savor it's pages. Hopefully I can find one here in Cebu.

Then came this column written by Lucy Gomez aptly entitled Escape to Within . It reminds us how the simplest things in life can actually make a big difference and impact us in a profound way yet those are the things we shelve in the farthest corner, the things we pay little attention to. Well, it seemed that all I ever do now is remember what I used to like but didn't really get the chance to do those things anymore.

What are my little escapes in life? I used to write so much poems about every boy I liked or even disliked before. It was a sweet escape, and i was even actively doing it through college but when I started working, I lost the time and the energy, and even a subject because I was so hooked up with this only one boy I considered my greatest love (like duh!).

I used to read a lot too. It started just with those silly pocket books about the never ending tale of love, the damsel in distress being rescued and all that silly stuff a little girl so giggles about. Then came college and I was into intensive literary reading which was of course influenced again by that so called "great love" (grrr..). I used to stay up so late just reading poems, short stories, literary novels and biographies of those wonderful poets, writers and philosophers. I missed those moments. I can't do it now because I feel like time does not permit me anymore. Reminds me what Paulo Coelho said " You can always sell time but you cannot buy it back", so please, i hope i can stop wasting mine...

I used to go the library, I used to love walking through this wonderful oval in our university. I used to stare so much watching and talking to the moon and the stars so much you would think I'm crazy. But those were my sweet little escape...and I long to go back in time, be suspended with the moment before I go back to the reality of what is now, where I am today. Again, I can't really complain. Life has been good and it did made some of my dreams come true. But I ain't in that happy place yet. I haven't fulfilled what I came to live yet. So for now, reminiscing will do.

great expectation: how fitting for me

because there is happiness in reading

and of course how sunset and sunrise is such a sight to behold

 i like it when I'm having this moment:) stillness is love:)

Fast forward, my little escapes changed a bit. I now enjoyed cooking, watching cooking shows, blogging and leisure reading and traveling. More than anything, I do a lot of thinking, and i love the stillness of time, of  feeling awkward in the middle of the crowd, of witnessing a thousand sunrise and sunsets, of learning the twists and turns of life, of watching and observing people...and hoping to fall in love one day...the kind of love that will love me back greater than the way I will love him...

Thank you for my sweet little escape today. Now I can go home and rest:) 

This Thing called "ULTIMATE"

WARNING: This blogpost is about the ultimate things in my life!

Isn't it funny how the things you'd love doing when you were younger just turns out to be a little secret hidden in the deepest part of your locker or written in the farthest corner of your diary? What a disappointment.

I remember how I used to dream so much when I was younger. Of the things I wanted to be and what i'd like to achieve. But the wheels keep turning and I find myself on the other side of the road, another part of the wheel. Changes, even if unwelcome, are always inevitable.

So now, I'm past the dreaming stage and living this thing called reality- and all I can do is remember. How I used to be, the things I wanted and dreams I aspire. There were too many moments and chances I've missed...but I won't forget the good ones too:)

I've always been an active dreamer. Like I can lie all day and dream all I want! When I was younger (much, much younger than today!), I wanted to be a journalist-newscaster, sportcaster, writer. Anything involving media work. I think I would  have been good at it (ahemm)!
 Reality check: I've never done those. I never am. But there were too close of an attempts and although this maybe humiliating remembering now, allow me to, because memories of those years gone by suddenly looms in my mind.

Well, I tried submitting a letter to a radio station, actually it was a love story during an afternoon radio program back in my hometown and I used my aunt's love story as an inspiration and of course, i've added the ideal twist and spice of life the way I imagine it to be. Boy! I actually won as letter sender of the week! and got a price too, 200 pesos. It was a sweet victory:) I shared the price with my aunt and we both bought a cone of ice cream as a reward...

After graduating in college, I work in a local town's area as an english teacher and you can just imagine how meager the income is. The good thing about it is there's a radio station within the building and got myself a job as a radio jockey. It was really a big thing for me because growing up I was a radio listener and that's how I came to win as a letter sender as well. I stayed there for 2 years and I had so many happy moments being a DJ and a teacher as well. Back in those days, I feel like I can be anything i want to be- minos the salary of course. I just realized, the things that gives happiness cause so little, and the things that gives you so much like a high paying job gives too little happiness and contentment:( What a sad thought. How lucky are those whose able to do their dreams and getting paid for it in a huge, gallant way!

Since we're on memory lane now, let me remember that i was once a very hopeless romantic girl. WAS, somewhere along the way, i don't know what happened but i become uncomfortable with the "yucky love stuff"...:( But i know the hopeless romantic lady still lives within me. Somewhere, somehow.

What about my ultimate dream? Sigh... I've always wanted to be a lawyer. Like badly wanted it. But that too, i gave up long time ago. The responsibility on my shoulder is too hard and heavy to carry that i felt pursuing my dream would mean sacrificing someone else's. And I can't do it because my family is too important for me. Not that i'm blaming them. I just can't find the balance between the time, the finances, my work and the schooling that it will require. I always knew that i'd have the strength to do it of course, no matter how hard. But well, life is just too complicated. Sometimes i think about it, in unusual places like riding in a jeepney or plain walking home, during idle moment i remember that dream and once in a while the nagging thought of what if crosses my mind...Will never know how this dream would end. Lets see...

Saving the rest of the ultimates cause i can't remember it now.!

SUBTLE, IDLE...AUGUST!

I can't believe the month of August just passed by without a single entry on my blog? Have i gone too lazy to document anything and brainfart my senseless journey?!

Oww, but my August was so boring! I can hardly remember anything exciting! This wanderlust spirit in me is unsettling, bland and how disconcerted!

Good thing i had a weekend geaway at BOHOL with my friends on the last weekend of August. Otherwise it would have been the most boring and unproductive month of my life. I'll post pics and travelouge about that trip on my next blog:)

So, here's to wishing that September would  be a hell lot different from the previous month! Looking forward for a trip home, my bday and hopefully anything unexpected will happen...

Ciao!

Letter to URANOS

Dear You,

I recently had a dream about you. I don't dream that often about you anymore, but when days are colder and my world lacks a little spice, thoughts of you bolts just out of nowhere.

It shouldn't be this way. I'd learned to move on. So stop haunting my thoughts. I don't even want to remember you anymore. Don't pity me. I'm in a better place, nicer mindset. Without you there's more peace, less heartache.

I always get things the hard way, nothing comes easy and I'm cool with that. Until you get in the way. So allow me to love again...Or was I ever in love before? Maybe I was just obsessed with this idea of you and idea of this love i thought I had for you...10 years, that should be enough right? "Now I'll take my heart back, leave your pictures on the floor and steal back my memory..."

I only hope and pray that someday, I will love again greater than the way I have loved you.  Goodbye is too long, feels like it doesn't end. So let me leave it all behind. PENELOPE is gone...gone...banished. I don't think I'd like to miss her anytime.

Sweet Surprise!

Last sunday was  sweet. I met with my friends and movie buddies Ana and Json for another movie date at Robinson's Galleria...or so I thought! I was truly surprised and touched by the effort they made to make me feel special in a way.

What was supposed to be an ordinary movie sunday turned into an awesome, sweet, fun and memorable day. They secretly invited some of our friends and co-worker way back in Accenture.Totally unexpected but it was really good to see them although only two mommies came in and the rest did not make it on time:)

I've always been gullible and most of the time clueless, oblivious about the things around me. So when I met with them to supposedly have dinner first at Max's, I didn't suspect anything when they kept hindering me from ordering although I was really starving already. I kept bugging them if weren't we supposed to order food but they kept saying "later" and entertain me with stories and jokes. Well, turned out, we're waiting for the rest of the people they invited. But the biggest surprised that night, was a bouquet of flowers they gave me! Totally sweet, they even choose the color they know I always like- shades of purple!

It wasn't the first time they did that, over a year ago they also surprised me when I resigned from accenture. they made this very cute scapbook filled with messages from almost everyone I was close with in the company that time. And a year before that was on my birthday, this cute birthday card, a purple earing, a purple scarf and I think a purple cake too!

Am sure gonna miss them when I leave for Cebu next week...But every goodbye makes it sweeter for the next hello. And distance does not hinder for those who are really true friends. And I know I got friends in them and they have in me. I love you Ana and Json! Thank you so much guys:)

Json, me, Ana and Mamita Grace:)

With the two sweet mommies in between- Mommy Liza and Mamita Grace:)

Dinner at Max's Robinson's galleria

 

Sweet and admirable Ana:)

Json, me, Ana and mamita Grace

 

With the flowers they gave me:)

THE CULPRIT- ANA and JSON:)

Top 3 Love Poems:)

I had an amazing afternoon today, so I'm in the mood to name few of my all time favorite love poems!


It's scorching hot, so hot that I'm having trouble sleeping in my room. You see, I no longer have and AC, so I have to content myself with this small electric fan but it can only do so little that I can only sleep for 3 hours and boom- it's over! My room is too hot, am like a chicken grilled inside an oven! To somehow alleviate this problem (I really can't complain so much can I?) i resorted to come early in the office and take a nap but another problem presented itself. It's too noisy for me to sleep. People coming in and out the sleeping quarter didn't seem to care that someone else's trying to get that much needed sleep. Why would they slam the door so hard, knowing that there's a lot of people inside. But hey,  what can I do? Maybe I'll post a note or something for them to have the courtesy of closing the door gently. You think that will work? Hehe. SO what's my point here? Well, because I couldn't sleep at all, I went out and it felt like I see the world the first time!


I've always loved to walk, it's what I fondly called unwinding whenever I'm stressed out. It's a reliever. So the view in global city is really nice, especially during sunset when the light of the day is fighting off with the impending darkness and the hotness of the day is flirting with the calmness and coldness of the night to come. The buildings look majestic with their lights on, people coming out from the building ready to go home and retire after a long, hard day at work. I like watching the city. I'm surely going to miss this when my grand plan of living in the country side comes to life!


So there up in the high street I wander, searching where Krispy kreme is located and there I found it! I like this alone time, but then I'm always alone so when I have moments like this, it kinda felt sad sometimes because I would have loved to share the view, the moment and the feeling with someone. I'ts nice to look at the world with someone by your side. I don't really mean a lover-it could be anyone! Perhaps a friend, a co-worker, a brother, a sister or maybe my mama. Just to have someone would be fine.
So this inspires my post today. As I was walking, I suddenly remember Elizabeth Barret Browning's line in the poem " I loved thee with a love I seemed to lose".


Now it's too hard choosing my top 3 poems. You see, I happen to be so fascinated and so in love with poetry. So maybe I'll start with love poems.
So there, devour with me my top three fave poems and fave poets as well!


Top 3: This is one of the first few poems I fell in love with in high school. I don't have too much knowledge of poetry and of great poets back then (and even till now!) it's like my love affair with poetry starts here.

How Do I loved Thee (Sonnet XLIII) 

 Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

Top 2: Who doesn't know Pablo Neruda? I thinks he's an awesome poet. what with his heart wrenching poems and all. I wonder how many times he has fallin in and out of love to have such vast emotions as portrayed in his poems! And it's just too hard to choose a favorite among all his poems because frankly, there's too many amazing ones! But this one will do for now:)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example: "The night is shattered,
and the blue stars shiver in the distance."

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
That I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this one, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, and sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not not have loved her great, still eyes?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered, and she is not with me.

This is all.
In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same the same trees.
We, we who were, are the no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that is certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her ear.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms,
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer,
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Top 1: I think  e.e cummings is really genious. I like his style. I like how unconventional his poems are. I like the thought that poetry doesn't have to follow what is the norm- the rhyming and the all that. I love him and I lov this poem to the bones that I felt like this is mine and nobody shoud take this away from me else there will be consequences!!! hehe:)

Somewhere i have never travelled

e.e cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands