Of Plans, Surprises and Sweet Finds...

Plans are made, laid out and thought about. But as to acting on it and making it a reality, it can involve a  lot of twists and turns, and it may not always be how it was originally desired.

So my supposed plan to explore Bacolod, discover nature and taste its food and culture last July 28 remains just as it was- a plan. Bad weather-what with typhoon Gener threatening the country and all. I'm a bit out of budget too and even though i've bought few wardrobes for this trip, i have to settle for the alternatives.

Being an ocassional control freak that i am, this doesn't come easy on me. But then again, i've managed and and survived it anyways.
So where have i been when i got the 4 days off?

Saturday-Kinda unproductive, after all the many plans that day with friends, i ended up sleeping the whole day through and partly the night away...

Sunday- The day started unexpectedly with this JERK across my room who got the nerve talking to me-only when he is drunk. And frankly i don't want him ruining this post so no details here about what happened on that fateful day!
Sunday was spent beach bumming at Portofino beach resort till noon, then movie after and my favorite part was a lazy but fun way of welcoming the dusk by the swing at CEMPark with a friend  and some random conversation about life. We cooked  dinner that night then off to sleep again...or so i thought. But i got an invitation from my co-workers to watch a movie at dawn! Yes, dawn. There's this private movie house near our office called HANS movie house where you can rent movies and the room and watch with friends. It's less expensive considering the privacy you'd get since the room is exclusive to you  and your friends only. So there, that ends my Sunday....which extended to a monday morning since we went home at 5am:)

Beach bumming with Josh and Mica

Childlike Joy with Mica

Aww, the waves is too strong for me!

Swinging and melancholy at CemPark

Mark's mood? hmmmnn...

What did we watch? " Never Let me Go"- a tear jerker type...:)

Monday- Spent the day in a cheap bookshop at Robinson's Cebu- and what a surprise! Found this novel i've read back in my high school years and got the strong desire to buy it for posterity's sake- Rosamunde Pilcher's The SHELL SEEKERS. Random window shop and food trip. Gave in to my cravings for siomai and got myself a cheeseburger meal at Mcdonalds. Not good and definitely not healthy but what the heck, who cares anyway. This is definitely one of those days that i don't care! gave in dude!

I like buying cheap books:)

Love my cheap finds! Cost me just p140 all four books!

Ended the night by dining with my friends and neighbors. Cooked sinigang na bangus with Mark and had one fine dinner. Surprisingly the night didn't end there. After json, V and Joy left for work, Mark and I decided to have coffee- my favorite instant coffee nescafe creamy latte and then we watched a movie on his PC after- in between random conversations...then bedtime for me.



am not an avid coffee drinker but this one just is right for me:)



Tuesday- mall hopping, spent time looking for books I wanna read this year at Fully booked Ayala. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is added on my list. 50 shades of grey is as usual out of stock ( But i read from e-book all three already as of me posting this) had lunch at The Spaghetti Factory Ayala, did my grocery and then agreed with Mark to cook dinner again that night. I love cooking eventhough i'm not good at it. We simply cooked string beans with corned beef and fried fish with pipino and tomatoes. Ended the night by sleeping early. Then woke up the next morning sound tripping and singing my heart out amidst my neighbor's disapproval maybe. But you know what? Read my lips- I don't care! haha. So mean of me. Sorry folks, that was my moment right there!

The Spagetti Factory @Ayala Cebu

strawberry shake and my fave stick-O! yummy:)

And that's how i spent my 4 days off:)

Bittersweet...

We were inside one classroom, yes, the same room we went in and out during our college days...On separate ocassions of course. against my fervent wish and desire to be with you for just one class. Just so I would know how it felt being with you, inside a classroom setting, and drinking in your thought and getting lost perhaps in all your splendor presence.

Anyhow, it was a quizbee or something, and i wondered why I was there in the first place. I wasn't the brainy type. Unlike you, you'll be in every contest, quizbees, debate and all. In a haze the event started, and it was a Math quizbee to my surprise! Wow, don't i get to choose and decide here? Me and the numbers, formulas and equation were never friends. Unlike you, it's your forte. You always knew almost everything. Then everyone got busy answering and thinking and analyzing...and i was lost there. Still wondering why, why i was there, and why i was there-with you, inside that room.

Just like a movie came the second scene, everyone was forcing you and i towards each other, expectant...for something i don't know. And you did something that's so you, you were never a fan of crowd and people cheering and cajoling, you'll do things your way. So you did it privately and drag me out of that room and we were outside and you were trying hard to explain, give reasons and let me understand why it never happened what i wanted to happen from years ago. You lost the right words to say or perhaps you don't know how to say it and you pulled me into a tight embrace. So tight i felt like i'll burst into bubbles and i was so afraid for that moment to fade, for you to slip away so fast, so soon... So i hugged you back, tighter. as if i'll never want to let you go...ever. To my amazement  i saw you holding back your tears, and your voice choking.
"i'm sorry" you said.
"what for? why?" I answered. Bewildered still.

And you told me you would have wanted to connive with my friends and your friends to get me here so we can talk and you can tell so many things but you were afraid i'd notice, you were afraid i'd walked out. And you told me a lot more. You told me how you would have wanted me before, back when i was so obssesed of being with you. But it didn't happen but how you wanted it to and how you wanted to get back and make up for the lost time and start right here and now with me. For a moment i remembered how it took me so long to end my misery, my addiction of you...and how easily you came back and tell me all these things now...things that never happened nor said back then. And if it was the universe conspired, i chose to let of that doubt and gave in to you...again. i surrendered. And hugged you tight, so tight and we were both crying, for the lost time, for this jovial rendezvous. Like everything resonates what we feel- thunder, bolts, drums and butterflies! Alas, how sweet, how my heart pounds and burst with everything. Is it real? are you here?

My eyes pop open. I saw my bed, my room, my pillow. You were just a dream. then and now. But it felt so real, so vivid, so alive, so consuming that i closed my eyes back and hugged tight my pillow thinking it was still you. For a moment i was toying with the idea of going back to sleep and continue that dream, that sweet escape. I could do that, I've proven to myself time and again that i have this habit of being able to continue my dreams just as long as i'll choose to go back to that slumber. That was a sweet slumber.

But I remembered. How it took me so much time to be where i am now away from that thought of you and I, of the idea that someday we might really end up in each others arms, of that promise that i'll be the HOME you can run to when everything else fails or when you're  done roaming the world or when you get tired and wanted to slow down and rest awhile. Yes i remembered how hard it was, how it felt. How the rejection left me battered and bruised that resulted to me not wanting to feel that way again. That ended up me being so guarded now. Your memory kept me alive, but I want my life back. I've had it back for awhile now, why do you have to haunt me like that?

With all the courage that i can muster, i opened my eyes again. I've chosen to let go sometime ago. I can do it now. I chose to do it now. You fed my dreams and lonely days, but i learned to color my own rainbow, water my own plants and be my own sunshine. That room is locked, shut down, closed forever. Let's not go there. Let me go URANOS. Penelope wants nothing from you anymore. Do not test, tempt and lure me again just like that. What doesn't break you won't kill you. I'm still alive am i not? I wanted to be happy too. I chose to run this race. Alone. Where nothing and no one will ever hurt me again like that...

Poetry Session: Too Much of You

Too Much Of You

angelaires

life is

sunny,

rainy,

gloomy.

yours is

bright,

breezy,

always sunshine.

i'd rather have the rain

suffer and feel,

this impeccable pain

here, it is real.

yours is

magical,

monumental,

too much greatness

killing this empty spaces

too much,

got too much of you.

away, im running away.

yours is

whimsical,

im waking up

to what's here and now.



Summer 2012

Because i'm too busy err lazy to blog, it took me so long to post this summer escapade. Rainy season caught up on me and i got this fever on a saturday. I missed meals, absent from work and all alone mending and tending this sickness...Awww, i missed home, the feeling of someone taking care of you while you're not in your absolute health...But then again, im used to taking care of people rather than me being taken care of. So before this post gets bluer than blue and sadder than sad, let me remember my summer escapade last May 2012, and let me reminisce the fun times under the sun!

I went home primarily to attend my brother's college graduation but knowing me, i always do a sidetrip and gather my ladies for a beach bumming and cam-whoring trip!

I couldn't remember and write a vivid  narratives of the things i did so let the photos tell you what i cannot write and let me share some things that stuck my mind that time!

My Summer Reflections

• Saw a lot of stars
• Fell in love with the sunset
• Roadtrip to Iligan
• Beach bumming
• Visited Mantangale beach resort and Duka bay dive resort
• Dip in a cold spring
• Lunch by the bay
• Drank irish cream cappuccino coffee
• Ate the pride og medina-bibingka! very delicious!
• Bonding with old friends
• Moments with family and friends
• Thinking of HIM



Sunrise by the ship, on my way back to Cebu

Beach girl waiting for beach boy...

Lunch by the bay

Coral watching at Duka bay, i saw a lot of fish!

Snorkling, love it!

The high jump!

Name the species in this aquarium:)

The beach and the company, Jojie, Yen, Me and Melanie

dip

Thank you mantangale, we got the resort all by ourselves:)

Touring Medina, Gingoog City in a cold windy night

goofing!

The rock and I!

The rock and US!

Afternoon Delight

Just this afternoon i got the urge to breath some fresh air and witness the sunset. I have this flair for sunrise and sunsets you know...I think i always had but the need to really see it is so strong this past few months. Well, i'm at the stage of my life that whatever my mind concieve of wanting to do, if i can, i

really wanna do it. The idle moment of wishful thinking is so foreign to me these days. I wanna make use of the time that i have, so even if i'll end up doing it alone, i really don't care.

The thing with waiting for people to join you, is that it just prolong the moment, if not alter it completely. Because people always have the excuse to not go or even if they wanted to, they seemed to not have enough time, or maybe they just can't squeeze in the time to do so. Well, no hard feelings, i've managed on my own, and to be honest. I like this alone moments:) I've been jogging alone early morning, taking afternoon stroll, foodtripping, and maybe i'm doing this soul searching thing for all I know...but i actually enjoyed it. I'm even planning for this solo beach bumming sometime next week...and i'm excited for it!

So anyway, i really wanted to awaken my creative juices too-aka i wanna write something. I have this flair for poetry too and i'm such a pathetic, frustrated poet and a writer but what the heck, i'll just write from my heart even if it means just plain, random ramblings:) so bear with me if i'll post it here!

I Loved You First

angelaires

i loved you first

when the grass grows greener,

even when the ocean parts

your lips i know i will kiss

Oh i loved you first,

before the sun goes down

or when the sunrise is up again

let not our destiny be caved in !

yes, i loved you first

In the womb you were hiding

and back to the world you're living

here i am, waiting.

right, i loved you first

find me in the throng of strangers

i'm the one standing

right alone in the crowd hiding

soon when

lights out and everything dim

you'll see it shimmering,

shining through it will glow

this page turns over

as it began a new chapter

oh yes, i loved you first!

stunned

oh this singular calmness

silence it brings

peace and quiteness

even when there's chaos in our head

who would have thought

when waiting eludes

there it is,

this malignant enjoyment

because yes, i'll love you first

come here and now

but off the forest you must go,

conguer thy mountain, thy rock!

even thine sorrow

but, forget it not

even in all these miseries

i loved you first...

so till my hands

find your hands

whose holding hers

while the other holds the world

but then if you must

let go of one and

choose mine

because i loved you first.

this distance and detours

keep us apart yet again,

one day it will

heart to heart

keep us closer

it's because,

i loved you first

till you loved me back.

what i did this afternoon at cebu memorial park...?



i loved this flower:)



accompanied by my solitude buddies- great expectation by charles dickens, my purple diary, pen, lipbalm, water, key and my trusted phone:)



swinging! i want a traditional hammock one day:)



sound tripping too!



so till the next random afternoon delight!



because this life is such a long and winding road...



Of Waitings and Detours

Life happens...Just like that. You wake up sore with envy of all the chances you missed and all the moments passing by.

Surprisingly, everyone got a life. they managed on their own, seemed and looked happy too. And you were left in the empty road of life. And the saddest part is, no one's there holding your hand. No one's there wiping your tears, no one's there making you smile, or helping you banished the fears. You're supposed to jump on a dreaded cliff...alone.

While this seemed to be a lonely scene, why don't we tackle it differently? Yes, to an average person, it seemed pathetic to be lurking in this situation. But who says we can't defy what society dictates? I like reading posts about people sensible enough to understand that while singleness can sometimes be lonely, it is a gift in itself to discover your ultimate potential, live your life fully, enrich yourself with the wonders of this world. And someday, when it happens that you'll get lucky to be with someone, you'd have many things to share about simply because you had a headstart in discovering them .

One need not feel abashed about going through life especially in our late 20s and still alone. And i just have to make a point that just because you are single doesn't mean you are ready to mingle! I hate it when people are pushing me "not to be choosy', "lower your standard", "go out there and be seen", 'Love does not happen, you make it happen"! They're missing my point. i don't have have high standards, and im not being picky too...i just happen to know what I want and what i deserve, and yes, call me stubborn...but i don't wanna compromise...unless it's for that ultimate reason-don't ask me what?! duh!

What's my point here again? My point is there is beauty in waiting and while you're at it, enjoy your life too. You don't need to be with someone just to make you feel alive or complete. You  are whole in yourself already. I know this is better said than done, believe me, i have so many encounters that i doubted this too...but deep within, somehow i know that this is just a phase i have to go through.

Secondly, the events in the past- the almost relationship, the holding on, the first heartbreak, the time passing and eventually wasting, the lonely nights and days and the impatience of things not happening your way...They are called DETOURS. One day it will all make sense.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 

                                                              1 Corithinthians 13:4–8

Leaving you with this song too, as we wait for that day patiently:)

I Promise

Jaci Velasquez

Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell
Lord, You know them well

Though I may be young
I see and understand
That at times like sheep we go astray
And things get out of hand

Chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

Until then, O Lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love
Will come someday
It will only come from You

‘Cause I have seen the suffering
That loneliness can cause
When we choose to give our love away
Without a righteous cause

chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

Poetry Session III

WAITING

-angelaires-

fireflies and butterflies,

bolts and lightning alike

heat and fire

all these and more

one burning desire.

across the universe,

surrounded by the sky,

heaven and earth they kiss

must be destined, you and I

a million breaths

a thousand sigh,

one last cry

then i say goodbye

gazing upon the horizon

while you trek with your wandering soul

the trails of life, sparks they fly

together, we should belong.

life won't wait

and time is fast

hurry home,

here in my heart.

Letters to Juliet,

I asked for us to meet

I am are here

One day, I know we'll get there...