WARNING: This blogpost is about the ultimate things in my life!
Isn't it funny how the things you'd love doing when you were younger just turns out to be a little secret hidden in the deepest part of your locker or written in the farthest corner of your diary? What a disappointment.
I remember how I used to dream so much when I was younger. Of the things I wanted to be and what i'd like to achieve. But the wheels keep turning and I find myself on the other side of the road, another part of the wheel. Changes, even if unwelcome, are always inevitable.
So now, I'm past the dreaming stage and living this thing called reality- and all I can do is remember. How I used to be, the things I wanted and dreams I aspire. There were too many moments and chances I've missed...but I won't forget the good ones too:)
I've always been an active dreamer. Like I can lie all day and dream all I want! When I was younger (much, much younger than today!), I wanted to be a journalist-newscaster, sportcaster, writer. Anything involving media work. I think I would have been good at it (ahemm)!
Reality check: I've never done those. I never am. But there were too close of an attempts and although this maybe humiliating remembering now, allow me to, because memories of those years gone by suddenly looms in my mind.
Well, I tried submitting a letter to a radio station, actually it was a love story during an afternoon radio program back in my hometown and I used my aunt's love story as an inspiration and of course, i've added the ideal twist and spice of life the way I imagine it to be. Boy! I actually won as letter sender of the week! and got a price too, 200 pesos. It was a sweet victory:) I shared the price with my aunt and we both bought a cone of ice cream as a reward...
After graduating in college, I work in a local town's area as an english teacher and you can just imagine how meager the income is. The good thing about it is there's a radio station within the building and got myself a job as a radio jockey. It was really a big thing for me because growing up I was a radio listener and that's how I came to win as a letter sender as well. I stayed there for 2 years and I had so many happy moments being a DJ and a teacher as well. Back in those days, I feel like I can be anything i want to be- minos the salary of course. I just realized, the things that gives happiness cause so little, and the things that gives you so much like a high paying job gives too little happiness and contentment:( What a sad thought. How lucky are those whose able to do their dreams and getting paid for it in a huge, gallant way!
Since we're on memory lane now, let me remember that i was once a very hopeless romantic girl. WAS, somewhere along the way, i don't know what happened but i become uncomfortable with the "yucky love stuff"...:( But i know the hopeless romantic lady still lives within me. Somewhere, somehow.
What about my ultimate dream? Sigh... I've always wanted to be a lawyer. Like badly wanted it. But that too, i gave up long time ago. The responsibility on my shoulder is too hard and heavy to carry that i felt pursuing my dream would mean sacrificing someone else's. And I can't do it because my family is too important for me. Not that i'm blaming them. I just can't find the balance between the time, the finances, my work and the schooling that it will require. I always knew that i'd have the strength to do it of course, no matter how hard. But well, life is just too complicated. Sometimes i think about it, in unusual places like riding in a jeepney or plain walking home, during idle moment i remember that dream and once in a while the nagging thought of what if crosses my mind...Will never know how this dream would end. Lets see...
Saving the rest of the ultimates cause i can't remember it now.!
