The Dilemma

Have you ever been in a situation where you need to choose one over another but you badly want both?

Hell no, I'm not talking about my lovelife here! (as if i have one:}). I've been battling about my options given the chances and choices there is in front of me. But what am I talking about???

Well, I've been reading a lot and there's just too many people, stories and experiences that got me inspired. But they have a common theme to always follow what you want, fuel your life with passion, go for the one that makes you truly happy, don't let the moment pass you by etc... It really got me thinking and reflecting about my own life too. What do i want, where am i going? Im so not getting any younger but I don't wanna be pressured about the age thing...Who's in a hurry? But they have a point, time is ticking, the things I can do now, i might not be able to do them in the years to come.
Okay, enough of the suspense, spill the beans.

I remember the posts about my ultimate dream-the one i gave up but I don't wanna let too many moments passed me by. I don't wanna leave in regret when I look back one day. I'm gonna chase after what I want too:)

So what do I want? There's two things I know I'll forever regret if I won't do it this year: STUDY AND TRAVEL. The latter seemed more fun to do but remember I am suddenly in a timeline that before I reached the big 3-0,  I gotta be able to get the master's degree too, else i'll be so fucked up:) and I don't ever wanna feel that way again. So why and what's causing the dilemma?
For one, if I pursue my studies I won't be able to travel. Why because between the two I'm also doing this 8 hour work. I gotta have work to finance my journey right?

I figured my 2 days rest day will be spent schooling, researching, brow burning. Definitely no time for travel. Then again if I choose to travel, I know in my heart I'll live with regret because I've always wanted to study again. It's part of the reason why I moved here in Cebu. I've been delaying the dream and the plan for so many years now. So what have I decided?

After a month of this pressing, stressful thinking, I've decided to do both. I wanna know the two sides of the road. How would I do it? I figured timing and careful planning may help.

So what's the plan? The plan is to travel first. Yes. Traveling comes first:) My brother will graduate by May, so less expenses on the family and more on me! Schooling starts by June, but I can't wait to be on the road, explore beaches and thousand sunsets and sunrises. I can't wait. So the first half of the year will be spent traveling and the second half for studying. I think it sounds pretty fair. What you think?
 really, really hope this time it'll happen accordingly. God let it happen this year!

I know this may not really be a major dilemma to some but for me it is. My hobbies and perspective changed a bit. I fell in love with traveling too, but it's not the only thing I wanted to do. It's never really too late or too old to follow the dream, find whatever it is that keeps  you awake at night, fuel it, hold on to it. It's better to have a goal than lie idle and wake up one day with your whole life passing right in front your  eyes.

I'm excited how this journey will end, i'm looking forward for the adventure and how different it will be once I go back to school. I'm not even sure if my perspective will change after since i'll pursue travel first. One step at a time. One baby step, one small leap if faith:)

Explore

The mountains...

The ocean...

the beaches...Coz life can't wait:)

TOP 3 Must read BOOKS!

I've been lagging with my blog for the past couple of months so before January ends, I figure this is the best way to fulfill another hope and promise to blog often! I know 2011 was not as promising as i hoped it would have been. But hey, i'd like to start over and what better way to do than post here the top 3 books i wanna read this year. Let's start counting!

Top 3: Aleph by Paulo Coelho

An autobiographical account of what Paulo calls at few places in the book as ‘Journey back to my Kingdom’, he writes about his experiences through his journey of personal discovery. This is one of the most personal novels written by Paulo.

‘Aleph,’ as described in the book is a place where time and space converge.
In this book, Paulo writes about the journey he undertook between March and July 2006.
The novel starts with Paulo talking to his Master about the dissatisfaction in Paulo’s life and the stagnation of his spiritual growth. As per the suggestion from his Master, Paulo sets off onto a journey starting from Africa, and then to Europe and Asia via the Trans-Siberian Railway. Most of the novel or rather the book describes about the author’s experiences during the train journey he took with his publishers and a girl whom he meets in the journey.

Top 2: Hunger Games TRILOGY by Suzanne Collins



This is an amazing trilogy and from what i hear the movie is scheduled to be released on March 23, 2012.directed by Gary Ross and based on the novel of the same name by Suzanne Collins. It stars Jennifer Lawrence as the main character Katnis, Josh Hutcherson as Peeta and , Liam Hemsworth as Gail who play's Katnis bestfriend and who is secretly in love with her. I'm uberly excited to watch it but i wanted to read the book first. I've read some excepts of it last year and i've been wanting to buy one but unfortunately, it's sold out here in Cebu. Perhaps a trip to Manila this year will really be in search for this one. Here's what to look forward to:

The Hunger Games is a young adult novel written by Suzanne Collins. It was originally published on September 14, 2008, by Scholastic. The novel is the first book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It is written in first person and introduces sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives in a post-apocalyptic world in the country of Panem where the countries of North America once existed. The Capitol, a highly advanced metropolis, holds absolute power over the rest of the nation. The Hunger Games are an annual event in which one boy and one girl aged 12 to 18 from each of the 12 districts surrounding the Capitol are selected by lottery to compete in a televised battle in which only one person can survive.


2nd sequel:


Catching fire continues the story of Katniss Everdeen and the fictional, futuristic nation of Panem. Following the events of the previous novel, a rebellion against the oppressive Capitol has begun, and Katniss and fellow tribute Peeta are forced to return to the arena in a special edition of the Hunger Games.

3rd installment:



... and continues the story of Katniss Everdeen, who agrees to lead the rebellion against the rulers of the futuristic society of Panem. The series was inspired by the Greek myth of Theseus and the Minotaur and the Roman Gladiator games. Reviewers have noted that it tackles issues such as loyalty, war, and poverty.
.

You'll be my must watch movie this year too!!! Truly excited:)

Disclaimer: haha, the good news is i already bought this trilogy!!!! Yey, 2 books more!:)

Top 3: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

I know my top 2 books to read composed of 3 books already, well only because it's an installment so technically this post has 5 books in total! haha. This last book I've always been interested to read. whenever I visit National Bookstore, Fullybooked and Powerbooks, I always notice this display. I've got to read few excerpts online but never really read the entire novel. So hopefully this year I'll accomplish this

Love in the Time of Cholera (Spanish: El amor en los tiempos del cólera) is a novel by Nobel Prize winning Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez first published in the Spanish language during 1985. Alfred A. Knopf published the English translation during 1988. An English-language movie adaptation was released during 2007
The main character of the novel is Florentino Ariza and the main female character is Fermina Daza. She becomes enamoured with him during their youth but is forced to stop meeting him by her father. Eventually she weds Juvenal Urbino at the age of 21 (the "deadline" she had set for herself) because he seemed to offer her security and love. Urbino is a medical doctor devoted to science, modernity, and "order and progress." He is committed to the eradication of cholera and to the promotion of public works. He is a rational man whose life is organized precisely and who values his importance and reputation in society to the utmost. He is a herald of progress and modernization.

Food for thought

At a certain point, your life will begin to decline, you got halfway, but not all the way, you are half-happy and half-sad, neither frustrated nor fulfilled. You’re neither cold nor hot, you’re lukewarm, and as an evangelist in some holy book says: “Lukewarm things are not pleasing to the palate.”‘
***from Paulo Coelho's Blog***

When you follow your personal legend, you walk your path and learn from it. The objective doesn’t blind you to the road that takes you there.
On the other hand obsession is what prevents you from admiring the teachings of life.
It’s like trying to get to your objective without passing through the challenges.
I realized that despite the fear and the bruises of life, one has to keep on fighting for one’s dream.
As Borges said in his writings “there is no other virtue than being brave”.
And one has to understand that being brave is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.
***from Paulo Coelho's Blog***

Sometimes some fear can be good. When you are afraid things are going to get worse if you don't do something, it can prompt you into action. But it is not good when you are afraid that it keeps you from doing anything.
***Spencer Johnson, Who Moved My Cheese? ***

Little Escape

As i was browsing through the pages of  Philippine star, all because I was interested in Ms. Bianca Gonzales' first article ever published, I was so inspired of the articles I came to read as well. From fasting down to this article of  memento of Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy; what a treat! I wanted to buy that book and savor it's pages. Hopefully I can find one here in Cebu.

Then came this column written by Lucy Gomez aptly entitled Escape to Within . It reminds us how the simplest things in life can actually make a big difference and impact us in a profound way yet those are the things we shelve in the farthest corner, the things we pay little attention to. Well, it seemed that all I ever do now is remember what I used to like but didn't really get the chance to do those things anymore.

What are my little escapes in life? I used to write so much poems about every boy I liked or even disliked before. It was a sweet escape, and i was even actively doing it through college but when I started working, I lost the time and the energy, and even a subject because I was so hooked up with this only one boy I considered my greatest love (like duh!).

I used to read a lot too. It started just with those silly pocket books about the never ending tale of love, the damsel in distress being rescued and all that silly stuff a little girl so giggles about. Then came college and I was into intensive literary reading which was of course influenced again by that so called "great love" (grrr..). I used to stay up so late just reading poems, short stories, literary novels and biographies of those wonderful poets, writers and philosophers. I missed those moments. I can't do it now because I feel like time does not permit me anymore. Reminds me what Paulo Coelho said " You can always sell time but you cannot buy it back", so please, i hope i can stop wasting mine...

I used to go the library, I used to love walking through this wonderful oval in our university. I used to stare so much watching and talking to the moon and the stars so much you would think I'm crazy. But those were my sweet little escape...and I long to go back in time, be suspended with the moment before I go back to the reality of what is now, where I am today. Again, I can't really complain. Life has been good and it did made some of my dreams come true. But I ain't in that happy place yet. I haven't fulfilled what I came to live yet. So for now, reminiscing will do.

great expectation: how fitting for me

because there is happiness in reading

and of course how sunset and sunrise is such a sight to behold

 i like it when I'm having this moment:) stillness is love:)

Fast forward, my little escapes changed a bit. I now enjoyed cooking, watching cooking shows, blogging and leisure reading and traveling. More than anything, I do a lot of thinking, and i love the stillness of time, of  feeling awkward in the middle of the crowd, of witnessing a thousand sunrise and sunsets, of learning the twists and turns of life, of watching and observing people...and hoping to fall in love one day...the kind of love that will love me back greater than the way I will love him...

Thank you for my sweet little escape today. Now I can go home and rest:) 

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS!

Yes, I really thought that september would not be a dead blogging moment for me. Turns out I hadn't posted anything and I kinda felt bad about it. I wanted to blog as often as I can but it is not happening! Well, I actually drafted something but wasn't able to post it on time before September ends:(  and it is still lying/sleeping dead in my drafted items.

Just a few glimpse of what happened with my September. I've been working-hard if I must say! I rendered a lot of OVERTIME. And it really tires me out and im not even achieving my goal:( I went home and celebrated my birthday for the first time! Got a good family bonding and then back to the bleakness of my life.

 I don't know why but I feel like I'm a blank canvas, I needed to be painted on, I needed events to unfold, colors to flash through, I'm expecting something great, grand and unexpected to unfold. Ahh, this wanderlust spirit in me is setting in again. I've had so much ideas and visions to blog about, maybe one day soon I'll be able to put it into writing. But for now, here's a cheer for my SEPTEMBER!

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"
by Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends

This Thing called "ULTIMATE"

WARNING: This blogpost is about the ultimate things in my life!

Isn't it funny how the things you'd love doing when you were younger just turns out to be a little secret hidden in the deepest part of your locker or written in the farthest corner of your diary? What a disappointment.

I remember how I used to dream so much when I was younger. Of the things I wanted to be and what i'd like to achieve. But the wheels keep turning and I find myself on the other side of the road, another part of the wheel. Changes, even if unwelcome, are always inevitable.

So now, I'm past the dreaming stage and living this thing called reality- and all I can do is remember. How I used to be, the things I wanted and dreams I aspire. There were too many moments and chances I've missed...but I won't forget the good ones too:)

I've always been an active dreamer. Like I can lie all day and dream all I want! When I was younger (much, much younger than today!), I wanted to be a journalist-newscaster, sportcaster, writer. Anything involving media work. I think I would  have been good at it (ahemm)!
 Reality check: I've never done those. I never am. But there were too close of an attempts and although this maybe humiliating remembering now, allow me to, because memories of those years gone by suddenly looms in my mind.

Well, I tried submitting a letter to a radio station, actually it was a love story during an afternoon radio program back in my hometown and I used my aunt's love story as an inspiration and of course, i've added the ideal twist and spice of life the way I imagine it to be. Boy! I actually won as letter sender of the week! and got a price too, 200 pesos. It was a sweet victory:) I shared the price with my aunt and we both bought a cone of ice cream as a reward...

After graduating in college, I work in a local town's area as an english teacher and you can just imagine how meager the income is. The good thing about it is there's a radio station within the building and got myself a job as a radio jockey. It was really a big thing for me because growing up I was a radio listener and that's how I came to win as a letter sender as well. I stayed there for 2 years and I had so many happy moments being a DJ and a teacher as well. Back in those days, I feel like I can be anything i want to be- minos the salary of course. I just realized, the things that gives happiness cause so little, and the things that gives you so much like a high paying job gives too little happiness and contentment:( What a sad thought. How lucky are those whose able to do their dreams and getting paid for it in a huge, gallant way!

Since we're on memory lane now, let me remember that i was once a very hopeless romantic girl. WAS, somewhere along the way, i don't know what happened but i become uncomfortable with the "yucky love stuff"...:( But i know the hopeless romantic lady still lives within me. Somewhere, somehow.

What about my ultimate dream? Sigh... I've always wanted to be a lawyer. Like badly wanted it. But that too, i gave up long time ago. The responsibility on my shoulder is too hard and heavy to carry that i felt pursuing my dream would mean sacrificing someone else's. And I can't do it because my family is too important for me. Not that i'm blaming them. I just can't find the balance between the time, the finances, my work and the schooling that it will require. I always knew that i'd have the strength to do it of course, no matter how hard. But well, life is just too complicated. Sometimes i think about it, in unusual places like riding in a jeepney or plain walking home, during idle moment i remember that dream and once in a while the nagging thought of what if crosses my mind...Will never know how this dream would end. Lets see...

Saving the rest of the ultimates cause i can't remember it now.!

SUBTLE, IDLE...AUGUST!

I can't believe the month of August just passed by without a single entry on my blog? Have i gone too lazy to document anything and brainfart my senseless journey?!

Oww, but my August was so boring! I can hardly remember anything exciting! This wanderlust spirit in me is unsettling, bland and how disconcerted!

Good thing i had a weekend geaway at BOHOL with my friends on the last weekend of August. Otherwise it would have been the most boring and unproductive month of my life. I'll post pics and travelouge about that trip on my next blog:)

So, here's to wishing that September would  be a hell lot different from the previous month! Looking forward for a trip home, my bday and hopefully anything unexpected will happen...

Ciao!