Reposted from an old blog
January 21, 2008
Day by day, i’m expecting something to happen. Something that will give me the ultimate happiness, that would make me ecstatic. Part of this longing I know is because of me watching too much romantic movies and reading novels of endless heroes and the damsel in distress they have rescued.
I’m fortunate enough to have lived this life I only dream before. To experience the taste of freedom in someways yet why do I still feel empty inside? As if something else is missing…
I dream of love unknown…A story of my own. My fairy tale. I created it but cannot make it come true. It is just woven in my fantasy. A fabric of stubborn memory and foolishness long time ago…I wanted to be over you. To let your memory end completely.
Time and again, I tried hard to let go of everything that reminds me of you. I loved you too much too long already. Yet your entrance still amazed me. My knees still feels weak at the sight of you, at the sound of your voice I still longs for more and the way you smile still leaves me breathless. You still stirs my emotion. You still held my heart without you knowing how much.
But there’s just got to be a way out of this wonderland I’m in. Because despite and in spite what my heart projects and promise that I will never cry like Penelope did, it hurts me so. It brought tears into my eyes and creates a havoc in my emotion. In the end, i still end up hurt, wounded and torn up as what you've warned … But who could blame this love I have that battles its way just to caught sight of you, watch you in your vulnerability, admires you and the courage you have in facing your own troubles…Got lost with you and and stumble in the shadows of your confusion.
Through all this, I know it’s high time though to stop chasing the unknown tomorrow. To rest in the promise and comfort of what might have been. And one day when I overcome all this, I will keep a smile, knowing that once I was lost somewhere in time, somewhere when I believed so much in love and how I was so moved to follow what I feel regardless of how unconventional it was.
Goodbye, let me try at least to say and bid my own farewell my distant star.
And because Love battles
Pablo Neruda
And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.
About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.
I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.
What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the danger
of my life, which you know
and which with your passion you shared.
And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.
But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: "The one
you love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera".
And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the water
of the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.
To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.
You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.
Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.
